Before

I used to dance

Until heartaches came

I used to think positively, look on the bright side

Until death came

I used to have faith

Until my world shattered 

I used to be healthy and vibrant 

Until injury slammed inside my head 

I used to love being sexy

Until my body was scarred 

I used to laugh so easily 

Until the weight of stress silenced me

I used to have hope

Until the hope was so distant

I used to dance 

There is grief around the reality of life as it is and not how you hoped it would be. There needs to be acknowledgment and validation, softness and compassion given over when you are sad and wishing things were different.

Mostly, we put our heads down, forge ahead, and try not to think about how it was in the before, because it is too painful. We are resigned to carrying on and doing the best we can with the day and what we have in front of us.

We don’t think or plan too far ahead because we have learned that road can explode and it is not safe.

Once in a while, giving over to the acknowledgment that this is not what you had thought your life would be, is necessary. It is under the surface, burbling, and needs attention sometimes. Allow it for a bit, to be heard.

Then, get on with the day, doing the best you can, grabbing what lightness and laughter and hope you can, building your shattered foundation of life on the littlest of joys and good things. They add up.

on we go,

Hilary

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